When we are hurt deeply, it can be hard to express that pain or even deal with it on our own. It's too much to bear leaving us broken and wounded. It also can be exceptionally difficult to communicate to the offender how badly they have hurt us due to many reasons such as anger, bitterness, pride. As a result, we keep the pain locked up inside even though that is hurting us even more. All the beliefs and feelings we have about our hurts remain inside our heads and hearts, and we aren't able to heal.
We wonder why the person has not apologized or why they don't seem to know what's going on or that you're upset. It's because at this point they have no clue! We have failed to communicate our most painful thoughts and feelings because they are just that, painful.
But I believe the person who hurt us needs to know these thoughts and feelings. Although we need to share our hurts with others for love and support, we also need to share them with the offender. Often times the offender walks around clueless scratching his/her head trying to figure out why the person isn't talking to them. I believe we owe it to the person who we were hurt by to let them know the extent of whatever they have done. They should know how we are feeling, and not just for their sake, but for our sake as well as a release. The offender should be given this opportunity to be able to understand our pain so they can feel the impact. Then they are able to repeat back the pain we have expressed to them. This gives them the chance to actually feel and express regret. To ask to be forgiven. Then maybe reconciliation can take place.
I know it's tough to talk with someone who has seriously offended us, but we must challenge ourselves and at least try to see if reconciliation can happen. I struggle with it because I absolutely dislike confrontation and the uncomfortableness of the conversation. But it doesn't have to be a negative event. It could be a healing moment that could possibly change the relationship for the good.
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